morning scene

[Scene as we are getting ready this morning in the bathroom.]

HIM: Whenever you use the blow dryer I envision the baby inside you going "Help! it's that big windstorm again!" [While waving hands above his head.]

ME: That's what you envision when I use the blow dryer?

HIM: Yeah, isn't that cute?

ME: Uhh... Yeah... That's cute...

Ok, so apparently, this post will have no title... appropriate really. But what I would have called it is:
Um. I can't remember now. I got distracted.
(That's not the title. I seriously did just get really distracted.)

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Sometimes when I am walking down the stairway at my work I get horrible visions. I usually go up there to refill my water glass. I have a straw in there too. Anyone ever seen that movie Pure Luck with Martin Short? There is a scene in there that has been etched into my mind for all eternity. Basically, in the movie Martin Short plays this guy who has continual bad luck - like everything always goes wrong with him. In one scene he is at dinner with Danny Glover and he goes to drink from his straw and instead of getting the straw in his mouth, he accidentally puts the straw right up his nose. And then the blood comes. It is really gross. But it was also a warning to me about how dangerous straws could be. Seriously, ever think about what might happen if you got one in the eye? One wrong move toward your glass and you're blind in your right eye.

Anyway. That was the backstory. In my vision earlier today I was walking down the stairs with my cup and straw in hand, thinking about how if I tripped on these obscenely uncomfortable tippy shoes I could get a straw right in the eye. Or in the neck. Pretty gross. I gave thanks when I got to the bottom of the stairs.

******

I am currently wondering:
...when I will get the skin of my youth back. In high school I had no blemishes. Seems unfair to me that now that I am out of that period of my life is when my skin finally caves. Now it's all zitty. (Did you catch that pun?)

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Oh boy!

I just opened my tootsie pop and I got a whole Indian shooting a star!

eww - american idol edition

Can I just say it is so gross that Antonella 'Barbie' and Alaina Whatsherface are still on American Idol? They both SUCKED! It is this kind of thing that makes me sick about American Idol - just like Jasmine Trias. Just writing that name gave me the chills. Hawaii? You better not be messing up this year too.

i have found (and am eating) the PERFECT food.

Last night, after having cravings for it for weeks, I finally made my most favoritest food in the whole wide world: corn and black bean salsa. Oh man. That stuff is SO GOOD. Usually, I make an entire batch and eat it all by myself. I am not kidding. And I eat it PLAIN. I don't need no stinkin' tortilla chips for this stuff - it is perfect just the way it is! As I sat there eating it last night my husband had to keep telling me to calm down. And yes, he does know how much I love that stuff. And yes, I did say that already. And yes, he knows I love it. And yes, he knows it is really good plain. Yes, it's probably good with chips too. And you don't need anymore. And yes it is really delicious. And yes, it is pretty cool that you could make it tonight. And yes, he knows it's REALLY good. AND FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING GOOD STOP TALKING ABOUT THE CORN SALSA!

But when one stumbles upon food perfection, one should share one's recipe. And one will try not to force others to try said recipe. But one will REALLY recommend this recipe. Oh, will one. So without further ado, here is one's, I mean, my favorite recipe.

black bean and corn salsa

1 medium to large green pepper (diced fine - about corn niblet sized)
1 medium to large red pepper (you can really use any colored pepper you want (even two green peppers - but i like the color variation) (also diced fine)
about 1/4 of a small red onion (diced fine) (add more or less to taste)
about a 1/4 cup of fresh chopped cilantro (more or less to taste)
1 can (14oz?) black beans - drained and rinsed
1 can (14oz?) corn niblets - drained
the juice of 1 freshly squeezed lime (for best taste) (you can also use about two tablespoons reallime lime juice)
generous sprinkling of kosher salt - to taste

put diced peppers, onion, and cilantro into mixing bowl. add black beans and corn. mix. add lime juice and salt to taste. (see? super simple!!)

usually the tastes mix a bit better after the mixture sits in the fridge for about an hour - but i can never wait that long. serve cold by itself as a salad, on a salad, or on tortilla chips!

Ah. So beautiful.

these are my wishes

You know what would be really awesome? Zero calorie, zero fat Doritos. Or ZCZF oreos, snickers, starbucks, and maybe just for good measure.....everything else.

If I were a scientist, I might devote my life to the pursuit of this worthy goal. But alas, I am not. I only sit here and dream about food. Food I cannot have. Food I shouldn't have.

It is so unfair to be trying to lose weight - and with no instruction and so much yummy food in the world. Why can't my metabolism be what it was only a few years ago?

Seriously, though. ZERO calorie and ZERO fat Doritos? Right up there with space exploration, I say. Here's to dreaming!

complete the sentences...

i am... glad i had a frappuccino in the fridge because the roads are far too bad to drive to starbucks.
i can't... stand blogger right now. beta sucks!
i can... do anything you can do better.
that doesn't... make sense.
i just... started a new blog on blogger for the spotlight ideas blog.